Tony’s Rambles: The Curious Curse of the Cellular Phone

Sherlock Holmes lit his foul briar pipe and settled back into his chair, staring moodily out at the London fog.

“It has made your life much harder, Watson.”

Watson, startled out of examining his latest ApplePlum phone, looked up. “Sorry, old boy?”

“Cellular phones, Watson, cellular phones.”

“Not following old boy.”

Holmes leaned forward, his thin face harsh angles in the firelight. “No, of course not Watson, of course not. Now, observe and note.”

He leaned back again and ticked off points on his fingers.

“Firstly, description of character. I had to rely on hearsay and exaggeration. Now you bring that thing -,” (he waved towards Watson’s phone) ” – press a button, and bring me a precise image.”

“True, Holmes, true.”

“Secondly, and I use the vernacular, Watson, you understand, the vernacular. Backup.”

“Backup?”

“How can we be in any peril when you merely bring out your magic device and call for assistance?”

“Impeccably put, Holmes, but what’s your point?”

“As chronicler of my narratives, Watson, you must realise the problem?”

“No, afraid not, Holmes.”

“I will provide you examples then. Take the Hound of the Baskervilles. Someone snaps a photograph on that machine of yours, and the mystery is solved. A mysterious ghostly hound? No, obviously just a dog painted with phosphor. Add a Geotag, and tell us exactly where and when.”

“Ah, yes. That would spoil the mystery somewhat.”

“And are we in peril, Watson, when Lestrade and London’s finest can be called at any time?”

“By Lor Holmes! You’re right!” There was a pause while Watson considered. “What am I to do, Holmes? As a writer of fiction, my readers demand suspense. They demand drama.”

“There are few options, Watson. Break it. Let the potential energy run down, the battery as you would say. Leave it at home. Have it stolen.”

Watson spluttered. “What about my RSS? My Twitter updates?”

“Sorry, old friend. They have to be forfeited. You cannot write tension and drama into a story while that thing is in your pocket.”

Watson considered the slab of plastic and rare earth metals in his hand for a long moment, then placed it on the table beside him.

Holmes slapped his thighs and cocked his head to one side. “Excellent, Watson, excellent! Now if I’m not mistaken, that’s Mrs Hudson on the stairs and a woman with size four feet following. Your tension and drama are restored, and  the game is afoot, my friend…”

Interview with…Patricia Lynne

This week we’re welcoming author Patricia Lynne to the blog for a short series of features. Today we’ll be finding out more about her with an interview, on Saturday her book Being Human will be under the spotlight and finally on Sunday, she’ll be sharing some of her thoughts and experiences of writing in a guest post. Phew! With all that to get through, let’s get started with the interview! 

Author – Patricia Lynne

Hi Patricia, welcome to Aside from Writing, we hope you’ll enjoy your time on the blog. Let’s get started with your interview!
If you could invite any 5 people to dinner who would you choose?

Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Heather Brewer, Mike Rowe, my mom (because otherwise she’d be miffed I didn’t invite her!)

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?

Hmmm, I’d say it’s a toss up between super speed because I hate car rides and being able to fly because Rogue of the X-men was my favorite and she could fly.

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Mackinaw Island Fudge. It’s vanilla ice cream and fudge and oh so good and is a Michigan specialty.

Wow – that sounds amazingly good – how far is Michigan from Manchester?! 🙂 OK – still thinking of food – what is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

I never wake up in time to eat breakfast, because let’s face it, mornings are evil, so let’s count lunch as my breakfast so grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Lastly…a drink to go with your meal…Coke or Pepsi?

Neither. Mountain Dew. I love my elixir of life.

OK – now back to books! Please tell us in one sentence only, why we should read your book.

Because if you don’t I’ll send Tommy after you and he has no qualms about getting flesh stuck in his fangs. 😉 Oh, sorry, did you want a serious answer? Being Human is a new take on a myth that’s been done a million times over, but with no sparkling.

You know – that might not be a bad thing for me – on the basis that the cover image is a very gorgeous guy, who is saying ‘please bump me to the top of the tbr pile’ with his sexy stare – I think it is enough to keep refusing. And let’s face it – we like vamps because of the danger 😉 

What are you working on at the moment? Any new books in the works? 

I have a few books that are in various stages of editing and I’m hoping to have at least one ready to get published soon. The one I’m most hopeful to have finished soon(ish) is called Snapshots and it’s about a boy who can see the future in others eyes so he keeps one eye covered earning him the nickname Cyclop.

What’s been your best experience from being published? 

This may seem mean but I highly enjoy hearing my story has made someone cry. Writers all strive to create stories that resonate with readers and make them feel, so hearing my book made someone happy or sad enough to cry is very rewarding. I did a good job.

What was your favorite book to read when you were a child?

I loved all the Clifford the Big Red Dog books. I had them all and I’m pretty sure my mom still has them stashed somewhere.

When you were little, what did you want to be when you “grew up”?

At one point I wanted to be a ballerina, but mostly I wanted to be an artist like my grandpa. I even when to college at Grand Valley State for a year in art.

How do you feel when you get a bad review? And how do you deal with it? 

I’ve only had one really bad review so far and I whined to my husband and a few friends privately, and then I got away from my laptop and got slightly (no, really) drunk. Then I didn’t really care about the review. Plus, the people I was with reminded me that every movie, book, TV show get bad reviews.

Take us through a typical day in your life…

Well, I lay in bed thinking about how I need to get up for way longer than I should. Then I finally force myself to jump up and go through the usual things (brush teeth, deodorant, get dressed) I check twitter and my email, comment on blogs or reply to emails. For some reason, I can never motivate myself to write until after I eat lunch. I can spend all afternoon writer/editing while checking twitter too much while having Mythbusters, Criminal Minds or Dirty Jobs playing in the background. I can’t write to music, but the TV is fine. I don’t have a real job (I have a small online handmade jewelry store and deliver a paper on the weekend) so I never have to worry about squeezing writing in between work. I make dinner when my husband gets home. If it’s nice out, we go for a walk and I try not to bore him with writing talk and he tries not to bore me with computer related jabber. Shower and then it’s back to writing, but usually I’m a bit worn out on writing and waste time on twitter talking about how I need to be writing. Around midnight, I trudge to bed and glower at my husband for being able to fall asleep in two seconds while it takes me a half hour.

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Patricia will be going under our author spotlight on Saturday – so come back and find out more about her and Being Human then!

And don’t forget the giveaway to win your own copy of Being Human – just comment in any of the features from Patricia posted this week and you’ll be entered to win an e-copy supplied via Smashwords!